Put the kids in charge.

Some days I think the best lessons we can give a kid have nothing to do with academics.

Don't get me wrong, both the unschooling half and my Classical half agree a well rounded education is invaluable for life. From skills such as reading and math for basic bills and taxes, to the basics of science and history to deal with politics  a good foundation really helps smooth the path for whatever life they grow into.

But more importantly we need to know how to deal with people, and chores.  Oh sure if I had a billion dollars, I could get out of the chores, but in America household help is rather expensive (must be paid more than minimum wage and all that).  So in all likelihood my children will grow to be comfortable with finances, and yet still needing to take care of chores.

And of course people.  No matter how much money you make you have to deal with people.  Personally I would avoid any and all disagreeable folk if I could.  Though if I did, I wouldn't have a family.  Even my wonderful amazing husband has his disagreeable moments.  (though not as many as I do!).  And children are the epitome of disagreeable at times!

So how do you teach children to deal with people?

One of the best lessons is to put them in charge of a sibling to get a chore done.  Generally while I am still home.

A long time ago, Dude threw a tantrum regarding my parenting practices.  Apparently he wasn't fond of the various punishments I was devising to deal with his behavior (or lack of help around the house) and he asked 'Why don't you just talk to me!'

So I let him know why.  Loudly.  Like at the top of my lungs loud. Which was obviously a stupid idea. (just because I know that doesn't mean I remember when my kids push my buttons)

And then suddenly, in a fit of inspiration, I told him he was in charge of taking care of the house for the morning.  He had the full responsibility of getting the house clean (ish) and the basics of laundry or dishes.  No in depth spring cleaning or anything, just the minimum.  He had every right to ask his siblings to help, or even me, but at no time was he permitted to do anything but talk to them.  No removal of privileges, certainly no hitting, and of course no yelling.  The only thing I did was keep the computers off for the morning (because otherwise Dude would be glued to them while the house crumbled around his ears).

After an hour of cajoling, begging, and a few tantrums.  A very sober Dude begged me to 'make them work'. He did have a few successful moments.  A pretend game got one room tidy, another the kitchen half clean.  But for the most part Dude could see he himself was doing most of the work, while simultaneously jumping through proverbial hoops begging his siblings to do their share.
He was exhausted, and had a new understanding of the amount of work it takes to be a parent.

We have repeated the lesson once or twice when he is rather recalcitrant, but for the most part it has worked.  Dude tends to still needs told more than once far to often, but I rarely get more than a gut reaction complaint from him.  And now the worst punishment is being asked to tell me 'why'.  Why do we clean our room, why do we vacuum, why do we put laundry away.  You name it, he hates having to tell me why he needs to do whatever it is he was complaining about doing.

This week it was Princess' turn to be in charge.  She has some better luck sometimes.  When Little Man is in the mood he likes to help.  But when he isn't....  Well that boy might as well have a curl in the middle of his head.

I think folk perform better on a team when they really know what it is like to be in charge.  I know I have much more patience for folk planning events after I have had a good taste of planning with scouts!  Of course I still have enough hubris in general to think I could have done better, but in general I am simple so glad not to have had to do it I just smile and relax knowing they are giving their best.  And that is enough.

Short term from the children, I always get better cooperation out of the older two after they are in charge.
Long term I hope the skills of  'getting folk to help' will last for life.