Life lessons

I have often tried to come up with a comprehensive list of what a person really needs to know.

Basic skills like cooking and car car are always on the list, along with basics of history and communication.

Sadly most advanced math never makes the list.  While I enjoyed Calculus, I have never used it in my adult life.

I have never succeeded in a full list though.  I get pages and pages, I try to consolidate various topics for ease of reading, and then I get bogged down with worry that I will never even hit the highlights.  So I shelve it for another day.

Some days I find myself drawing rather heavily on skill sets that aren't in any list I have ever made, nor read of.  (not that I have read them all)  These are the lessons I have no idea how to teach to my children.

The ability to walk in another's shoes.  Even if you only get a glimpse, and can't manage a whole mile, the ability to see life from another's perspective really helps me not be so upset at the random problems.  I am not always successful.  My husband can attest to plenty of 'how could they' rants.  But regardless what little skill in this area I posses is invaluable as I go through my work with scouts, o-op, and more.

Sometimes this means understanding why another would be mad.  Instead of getting defensive, try to see how they feel.  They still might be wrong, but at least we can understand why they are so upset.

Sometimes this means understanding why someone behaves consistently in a difficult manner.  I know why I am the way I am, I know my history.  But how would I behave if my life had been different?  One small butterfly change and I might be even more tactless or lazy!

The most useful as a parent, is understanding how hard it is to learn a new thing.  A child is working on learning everything!  From how to brush teeth, to how to remember their uniform, PLUS reading writing and arithmetic!  Sadly this is also the one I fail at the most.  (How hard is it to focus for 5 minutes on sweeping a floor?)

Find the silver lining.  Most of the time a terrible situation has something good to be found if you look for it.  I prolly sound like a moron when most of my friends talk of their troubles, I am always racing to find some good in the situation.  Have surgery?  Great excuse to put your feet up and read a book.  Scheduled event fall through?  Excellent opportunity to relax with nowhere to go.  Fussy kid?  It was time to take a break from all that other work anyway.  I might sometimes sound flippant, or lazy (well I am that), but it never helped to cry over spilled milk.

Admit when you were wrong - no matter how small of a mistake, admitting it can help you and others move on and learn.  Standing firm to 'it was all his fault' never helped any situation.  In fact playing the blame game takes up time that needs to be spent on a solution.  Again, I am never perfect.  (far from it here)  I am often muttering to myself over who's mistake I am fixing at any given time.  Fortunately most of my fixing is done via email, so no one needs to hear my muttering.

No one can insult you without your permission. (Elanor Roosevelt I think)  I really did not understand this one when I first heard it.  Anyone can say rude things, but to really take insult, you have to let them in.  So long as you are able to put a small wall, and not let others rudeness in, no one can hurt you without permission.  I have often needed some time to  remind myself of this, but it has always helped in the end.  My getting hurt or angry never helped anyone.  Though a bit of action may be in order for 'big issues'  the occasional slight in real life generally doesn't require more than a bit of 'oil'.  Let it all fall like water off a ducks back.
(please note if anyone is living with an person who insults on a regular basis, or a work situation that surrounds you remember even a duck will drown if forced to remain underwater.  This only applies to the occasional 'rain' -anything more and you need to go find some dry land for a spell.)

The other half of this coin is to assume that no one else is coated in oil  leading to.....

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't speak.  This is really hard for me.  I am opinionated, tactless, and not very empathic.  (I spent years becoming very hard shelled-see above)  However I have found keeping my mouth shut to the majority of folk very helpful.  Trust me I am not perfect, any one of my friends could bring up countless thoughtless things I have said.  Though I try.  If I bother to think before I open my mouth - I generally close it right back up again!  I use this most with emails.  I think the backspace key is the most used on my keyboard.  If fact I just checked, it is the one that is the most worn, the 's' is half worn off and all the letters are more faded than the other keys near it!  (truthfully the a,s,d,c,v keys are worse, but still)

I can think of a few other important lessons but for now I'll cease with the babble.  Besides it reads like a list of platitudes.