The journey to relaxation

I posted about a Typical Day. Writing it, I realized just how much my ideas on education have changed over the years.

My family homeschooled me up until 8th grade. While not all of my life was good, nor all of my education, in general I have been pleased with how well my knowledge base has served me.

I knew before I even had a husband I would homeschool my children. When I met the man of my dreams, we had a short but pointed discussion where I explained of course we would homeschool. My husband came from a fairly typical public school education. He hadn't spent more than a passing 'homeschoolers are weird' thought on the topic. I set him straight right quick. (We are weird, and I like it that way.) Being the amazing man he is, he immediately understood how easily education could be done at home. Though actually going through the experience has been an eye opener for both of us.

By the time I was pregnant with our first I knew exactly how I would educate the kids, I knew the programs I would choose for the first few years, and just about when I would start them, give or take a month. I even had the beginnings of a 'preK' program worked out since there wasn't one for purchase quite up to my tastes, and price range. Then I met this amazing kid, my son! It has taken me the better part of 7 years to realize I knew/know next to nothing about education.

Oh don't get me wrong, I am trained as a k-4/5 teacher. I have read extensively on many different method of teaching, both classroom style and homeschool and those in between. I worked in a classroom for several years before having children of my own. But nothing I have read, and nothing I learned in the classroom as a teacher, could have prepared me for my own children! Even being homeschooled offered only a taste of what was to come.

Not that my children are anything out of the ordinary, mothers bias aside, they are quite normal. No scientist need study our genetics for any fancy secret mutations, or gifts. All 4 children show perfectly normal ranges of abilities and talents. What has surprised me is just how easy all this learning can be! (and how hard the parenting is, but that is a different topic entirely)

I began this 'homeschool' journey with the assumption, that while children were amazing learners on their own, one has to direct them strongly to what society tells us is the 'official' format for education. After all they picked those topics for school based on some reason, and besides homeschool children must reflect well on homeschooling. So my plan was to follow a fairly standard course of study, using some of the programs I had used as a teacher, and a few I was researching for science, history, and language. With that made up 'Pre K' plan as well.

Almost 8 years later, I can honestly say we basically threw the book out the window. And the kids are learning faster than ever.

We went through some of the programs I had planned, in fact we still have a packaged math program for them, we even use it once in awhile. But serious forced work, on a daily basis, is pretty much gone.

I am apparently a slow learner. Dude was reading without packaged lesson plans at 2.5 years of age. Yet I still thought I needed a program. Princess coming along and doing the same didn't help me much. Little man came along and I was certain I needed a program, because he wasn't reading till age 3. Not my brightest moment. I figured I was slacking off on the lessons and that was why he took so 'long' to learn. I failed to note I had been slacking off for the older two both were still progressing at super speed.

Over those years before Baby girl came along, I waffled between very vigorous (though still less time spent than public school) education and very relaxed days, with just about every kind of day in between. I measured a good day by how much 'work' was done. And I reassured myself the 'bad' days were no big deal since I knew the kids were still ahead of the curve, and besides they were learning other things, just no written work.

We tried various math programs over the years to get through the boring parts of repetition without tears, or fights. We attempted phonics programs, but eventually decided the kids read to well to waste our efforts on them. I frequently regretted the children's writing abilities, or rather their lack of writing, and desperately tried to find something that would make them want to write and write well. I never could find a science program or history that I liked well enough to pay for.

Feeling inadequate in just about every area, other than reading and math, I headed to the library to fill the gaps till I could find a proper program. We read books on art, artists, space, matter, electricity, buildings, electronics, science fun, geology, different languages, history stories, geography, and anything else that caught our eye. I joke I am 'like a kid in a candy store' at libraries. I take out more books than I can read in one week, and want so many more!

We read most of the books, and I felt guilty if we failed to read any. I still take myself to task for not reading a book. Really now, when I choose books based on a passing fancy, or because the current baby has yanked them off the shelf and I am don't know where it belongs. Why would it surprise me if some are just kinda boring? Or have too much detail to hold a child's interest? Ok so my interest level is pretty close to a child's some days. I just have to many distractions! (BTW some of the best books were random baby/toddler finds, as were some of the worst)

I sometimes discovered Dude would read a book, but Princess hated it, or Princess would read one and Dude hated it. The ones Little man found too boring to sit through with more than polite interest are not surprising he is after all almost 4 years younger than Dude. But shouldn't I force the older kids to listen to boring books, if the topics are important? I aught to make Dude learn what Princess knows at least? And Princess should read the important topics Dude finished right? I should write down all the books to re-borrow when Little man gets older?

I finally realized, I can honestly say "NO!" to all of the above. My kids do not have to read boring books, my children do not have to take interest in the same books. Dude does not have to learn as much about gems and crystals as his sister just because he is older than her. And there is no need to keep track of exactly which book was worth reading so Little man and Baby girl repeat the same ones. (not that there is anything wrong with repeating, sometimes we do anyway)

Time after time I reviewed a science, or history program only to turn it down because my kids already knew the topics in their grade level, and bumping it up meant the amount of writing required was sure to lead to a fight with the kids. (This of course lead to believing I was failing my children in writing.)

What I kept failing to notices was; If my kids already were learning the topics from almost haphazard library reading (and science centers), why was I so sure I needed a program?

Sometime after Baby girl was born, I finally realized I should relax. At least a little. I quit looking for a science or history program, I quit beating myself up over books not read, and I almost eased up on writing. We still focus on learning something, but I no longer worry that it is 'the right thing'. We do the Ambleside reading, I love many of their history suggestions. And am not afraid to skip the stories I dislike.

I still can't let go of nearly daily math, I know written math is not the same as mental math, and I know NC tests on written math. So we do it, but you know, I almost never have a fight over the math, or any other worksheets. Not that we have no tantrums, nor are mornings all smooth. I have plenty of complaints on behavior! But we no longer have troubles with writing or math, or any other academic topic. Now if I can only convince Dude to stop leaving his socks all over the house.....