Unschooling, vs unparenting

While a good half of me is at heart an unschooler, no schedule, no tests, no lesson plans.  No part of me is an unparenter.

When the news does a report on unschooling, they generally pick an 'unparenting' family.  A house with no rules, no bedtimes, and no requirements.

Sitting here with my oldest watching one such report; I asked him why we limit cookies.  He said 'so we don't get sick'.

Now I might be naive, my oldest is only 8, but none of my kids has a sneaking problem.  They all accept that there are limits on food for a reason.

I asked my son just how many cookies it would take to make him sick.  He said he didn't know.  Truth is neither do I.  I asked him how many before his pancreas was feeling overworked having to make insulin to counteract the sudden flood of sugar?  He didn't know, and neither do I.  I asked him how many cookies he could eat every day and still be sure he wasn't going to get diabetes, or other illness, as an adult from the constant sugar overload?  He didn't know.  And neither do I.  I asked him how many before the sugar coursing through him made it hard for him to concentrate?  We don't know.

I do however know the small amount of sugar he eats is unlikely to cause any temporary, or lasting damage.

I limit my own intake of sugar, why wouldn't I limit my kids?

How about the idea of kids choosing their own bedtime?  If you have no need of being up most days, go for it.  So long as you are certain you don't mind not having adult time without kids, and that said kids will sleep in.

Numerous studies have shown that kids need a LOT of sleep.  If you have to regularly wake up at any given time, you need to go to bed enough hours before to ensure proper sleep.  Of course most adults (including myself) fail at this and claim sleeping in on the weekend makes up for it (it doesn't).  Kids are no different.  Given the choice they would also rather stay up for fun than turn in early.  (just one more chapter, almost done with this level, another math puzzle wont hurt)

I do know some kids who will sleep in enough most days to make up for a late bedtime, unfortunately I have two who wont.  Early risers up with the sun, and man do I wish they weren't!    Of course once they are up the other two hear the fun, and who wants to sleep when you could be playing?

Plus there is my 'grown up time'  I live in this house too, and I need my time with Daddy, alone....no kids allowed.  (how do you think we ended up with 5 of em?)  Sorry it is true.  I make plenty of concessions for my kids, they can make one simple one for me.  Bedtime is at 8:30, grown up time commences by 9pm (of course no kid is asleep instantly)

I have a million and one 'why nots'.  Reasons I have for why I will not let my kids do whatever they want.  I also pick my battles.  The above clip shows a mom deciding she can move her conversation to the front yard so the boy can play on a hammock.  I am all for that, doesn't hurt mom or boy in anyway.

So long as I can come up with a valid reason, I will have rules.  On things I don't have a valid reason for I let them go at it.  Why not climb on my beat up couch left over from the 70's?  I wouldn't be to sad to see it go, and they need somewhere to truly 'goof off'.   -just don't climb on G'mas couch. Or on G'ma on the couch!

To me parenting is all about finding the right balance.  After all kids are not sims, I am sure many things would be better for the kids (did you know if you stopped talking and cleaned diligently, you would have more time for fun?), but I also know I wont be around forever to make the choices for them.  So we share our reasons with the kids, and hope that they will slowly learn to make at least some right choices.  Or at the worst, no choice they make as a child will have (too much) lasting damage.